Episode 37 - Memento Mori

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Darron and Jeff “remember death” as they explore how people process and think about death and dying differently as we move throughout the stages of our lives. They discuss how little we actually purposefully think and talk about death in a meaningful day with our family and friends, differing perspectives about death and how long we should live, how life is a temporary thing and it is all the more precious for that, how aging and experiences with the death of loved ones changes our perceptions and makes death more real to us, how we remember people who have passed, how we imagine how people might remember us after our own passing, and other connected thoughts as they process their views about the unifying experience of death and what it means for our lives.

Notes:

  • 13:07 - Read “Why I Hope to Die at 75” by Ezekiel J. Emmanuel (The Atlantic, 2014)

  • 15:21 - The opinion piece, “Why I Hope to Die at 75” by Dr. Ezekiel J. Emmanuel, was originally published in The Atlantic in 2014. In it, the oncologist, bioethicist, and worl leader in health policy, explains that he would refuse all medical interventions - even antibiotics, and vaccinations - after he turned 75 years old, believing that older Americans live too long in a deteriorating state, stating that "Doubtless, death is a loss. … But here is a simple truth that many of us seem to resist: living too long is also a loss.” Addressing his original take again in 2019, Ezekiel said that his view is "not an extreme position,” clarifying that "I'm not going to die at 75. I'm not committing suicide. I'm not asking for euthanasia, I'm going to stop taking medications with the sole justification that the medication or intervention is to prolong my life,” and he also noted that the original misleading title of the article was in fact not chosen by him but by the editors at The Atlantic. Emanuel said that he believes people would agree with him if they thought about his position, saying that when people are asked how they want to die, they often decide they want to say goodbye to their family and have "some gentle decline" in a short amount of time. "It makes perfect sense. I'm no different," says Emanuel. "I would like to maintain my vigor, my intellectual capacity, my productivity, all the way through to the end. But I think we also need to be realistic - that's not the way most of us are going to live," continuing on that “every time I talk to people, it's like, 'Oh, yeah, definitely quality of life over quantity of life.' But when push comes to shove, it's really quantity of life. 'I might be a little more confused, but I'll take that extra year!'" While Emanuel acknowledges that some people will be mentally capable and active past 75, he claims the number who continue to be active, engaged, and creative past 75 is actually very small. For more see “'Why I hope to die at 75,' revisited” (Advisory Board, 2019) and the “Dr. Emanuel discusses his personal perspective on aging” page of his personal website.

  • 17:34 - Read “The Emperor of Ice-Cream” by Wallace Stevens

  • 34:03 - Listen to the Brain Science Podcast Episode 194: "The Grieving Brain" with Mary-Frances O'Connor from March, 2022 (YouTube link)

  • 39:20 - The Lifetime Setback Game started at the Phish show on August 14th, 2009 at the Comcast Theatre in Hartford, CT when we Darron & Jeff were in their early 30’s

  • 41:04 - Read “The Tail End” post from 2015 on the Wait But Why blog

  • 54:37 - Listen the Mindscape Episode 10: Megan Rosenbloom on the Death Positive Movement from August, 2018

  • 57:50 - Darron is likely referring to this passage from Seneca: “It is likely that some troubles will befall us; but it is not a present fact. How often has the unexpected happened! How often has the expected never come to pass! And even though it is ordained to be, what does it avail to run out to meet your suffering? You will suffer soon enough, when it arrives; so look forward meanwhile to better things. What shall you gain by doing this? Time. There will be many happenings meanwhile which will serve to postpone, or end, or pass on to another person, the trials which are near or even in your very presence. A fire has opened the way to flight. Men have been let down softly by a catastrophe. Sometimes the sword has been checked even at the victim’s throat. Men have survived their own executioners. Even bad fortune is fickle. Perhaps it will come, perhaps not; in the meantime it is not. So look forward to better things.”